I would suggest you start by getting a mental health evaluation for your daughter. Ask your daughter's primary care provider for a referral so it will be covered by health insurance.
Your daughter's mishaps with the knee bumping the chair may indicate the need for a sensory profile as well.
Once you know what, if any, mental health or neurological conditions your daughter has, it will be much easier for your to deal with them. Certainly that was my experience with my son.
It sounds like the time-outs you give yourself are not ideally structured; they're not giving you the quick respite you need to be able to re-enter the fray in a better state of mind. Is there something else you could do instead during your time-out? Perhaps go for a walk around the neighborhood?
While you're waiting for the evaluation, I have three suggestions for you.
First, write down a concise list of the behaviors that drive you nuts, and pick at most three to concentrate on at this time.
Second, you will need to temporarily detach yourself emotionally from your daughter. You'll have to play-act the professional caretaker. A governess would not cry when the child says nasty things. Do not allow your ego to be affected by anything hurtful your daughter says. You need to protect yourself so that you can be a strong, civilizing influence in your daughter's life.
Third, withhold all attention whenever your daughter whines. The flip side of this is that when she speaks to you with a voice you want to hear, make sure to tell her you like that voice -- even if she's disagreeing with you while she's using it.
Over time you will be able to add more rules to the collection. However, only add rules you are going to have the energy to enforce consistently.
If she complains about her food, gently but firmly take away her plate. Tell her she doesn't have to eat if she doesn't like it. Be very neutral in your tone of voice if you have to do this.